Random Joke Thread.. Let's Fill this Up with some Laughs...


#21

[b]
WOMAN’S DIARY

Monday 24th November 2008

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying,
I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we
made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

I cried myself to sleep - I think he’s planning to leave me - maybe he’s found someone else.


MAN’S DIARY:

Tuesday 25th November 2008

Green bay Packers Lost to the Saints.

Devastated.

Got a Fuck though.
[/b]


#22

[b]Retirement Dinner

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

‘I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.’

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,’ said the politician. ‘In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.’

Moral : Never, Never, Ever Be Late

[/b]


#23

cmon guys

we need some jokes


#24

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, “Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?”
“We’re Jack and Jill” she replied.

The man says, “You can’t be Jack and Jill, you’re black!”

So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.
They ring the doorbell and once again and the man opens the door.
“Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?”
“We’re Hansel and Gretel” says the little boy.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can’t be Hansel and Gretel because you’re black.

Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.

“Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!” he asks.

"Chocolate M & M’s, " said the little girl.
“I’m plain. He’s got nuts.”


#25

A CHILD’S PRAYER

Very touching

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Papaw’s computer. Amen!!!

Almost brought a tear to my eye! LOL


#26

[b]FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL.

DON’T SCROLL DOWN YET. DO THE SIMPLE

MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND

YOUR HERO.

It’s CRAZY how accurate this is!

No peeking!

  1. Pick your favorite number between 1-9

  2. Multiply by 3 then

  3. Add 3

  4. Then again, multiply by 3 (I’ll wait

while you get the calculator…)

  1. You’ll get a 2 or 3 digit number…

  2. Add the digits together

Now Scroll Down

With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

  1. Einstein

  2. Oprah Winfrey

  3. Snoopy

  4. Bill Clinton

  5. Bill Gates

  6. Gandhi

  7. Ronald Reagan

  8. Babe Ruth

  9. Papaw

  10. John F. Kennedy

I know, I know … I just have that effect on people. One day, you too can be like me.

P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH
IT!!![/b]


#27

What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing.

When I get a dog I’m going to name him five miles so I can say I walk five miles every day.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.